So I went swimming last week ... for the first time in almost two months! Sad how I live across the street from the Caribbean Sea and have already taken it for granted! I went through a few rough weeks, but think I have finally come out of it with clarity. First of all, I need to spend more time in the water! Amazing how refreshing it has been - both physically and mentally!
I think I've learned over the past few weeks that this journey isn't going to be what I thought it would be or what friends thought it would be - and that is okay. I finally realized that God has other plans, so it's a matter of staying on His path and not mine - and embracing that.
I feel that there have been several signs lately pointing me in the right direction. I had such a fabulous time with all my girls visiting ... really reminded me how much I miss them and how I consider Charlotte "home". On Wednesday, I couldn't sleep and just kept thinking about how I was excited to go back. NOT that I'm ready to go home tomorrow because I love my friends here and love the fact that it's 80 degrees every day, but that I know that this stop was temporary. And knowing that, I need to make the most of the time I have left here in paradise to make sure I don't have any regrets. And NOT to say that I won't rethink spending winters in STX and summers in CLT once it starts getting cold out again ... =)
As much as I didn't want to set a date for my flight home and was planning on letting the next few months play out, it just hit me. My initial plan was to stay down here for six months, so my lease runs through April 30 ... and ironically, the last direct flight of the peak season is on April 30 ... so I couldn't stop thinking about making that the official trip home. Plus, knowing that Kirby and Andy will be in the states the first of May, we've talked about how much fun it would be to meet up in Atlanta or Charlotte (still such a bummer it's not for the Cardinals series in ATL!). After not sleeping well the night before, I went for a walk that morning ... put my ipod on shuffle, and the very first song played was "Carolina" by Eric Church ... where he sings in the chorus, "Carolina, you keep calling me home". Wow ... it just felt like a sign. So I couldn't wait any longer. I had nothing but comfort that April 30 would be my trip home. I ended up using my US Air credit and considering the first class ticket was less than $100 more than the coach ticket, I rewarded myself with the upgrade. AND ... I still can't figure out how they didn't charge me the $150 change fee, but I didn't want to ask! All I know is that I'm excited about heading back ... who knows if it will be for four months, four years, or forever, but I know I will be ready and excited to be home.
THEN ... the next morning I got a note from Shelby saying that her roommate just told her she was moving out ... so all of a sudden, she has an extra bedroom and offered it to me when I return! I am BEYOND EXCITED! We both agree that as much as we love spending time with each other, her lease is only through July 31 and we will both be ready for our own places again, but what a perfect transition plan! Plus I already promised my brother I wouldn't even ask to stay with him, since last time two weeks turned into two years! I'm already thinking about walks around Myers Park, Ginbu, Mellow Mushroom, Selwyn Pub on Sunday afternoons, wine at Nolen ... ah, summer in Charlotte with Shelby ... life is good!!!
Amazing how things just seem to fall in place as they are supposed to.
Amazing how much better I feel these days too - just needed to go through some bumps to realize what I need to work on (and thankfully Shelby and my mom were here to help me with that), so I've finally got some clarity. At least for this week ;) I think it helps too to have something to look forward to, and to know that my time here is limited so I need to make the most of it - I live in the Caribbean and it's freakin' winter!!!!!!!!!!!
Over the past few weeks, I was completely overwhelmed trying to keep up with both jobs and all my guests. But I am so glad I have a different mentality ... I am so incredibly lucky for all of the people who have been able to visit ... even for those who have at least considered it! I need to embrace how lucky I am and show off this beautiful place where I live!
This week I received an email quoting "You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life." -Albert Camus. Again, I feel that my purpose down here is different than I had in mind, but I'm finally starting to learn what it is really about.
I mean, I didn't win the lottery and I'm not living down here on vacation. So I'm learning about balance ... and boundaries ... and being able to say no. Another thing I've confirmed about myself on this journey is that I'm certifiably crazy ... amazing how I can make life in the Caribbean busier than anywhere else I have ever lived! But you know what, I've learned that is just who I am.
I can't say how excited I am about going back without saying how sad I will be to leave. So we're not going to talk about that yet ...
I look forward to what the next few months have to offer ... and can't wait to see you all soon back on the mainland!
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